Tag Archives: reciprocity

My Horse Lessons

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The year of the horse is almost gone. It may stay a bit longer though, if I stick to the Chinese calendar. It was more of a herd year. It brought plenty. It had the grace of a Friesian horse. It had the strength of a Belgian draft horse. It had the speed of a racing horse. It had the lightness of a Paso Fino. It was a year of learning. Both academic and life learning.???????????????????????????????????????????????????

I learned about the healing power of forgiveness through one phone call I learned the happiness of ignoring the buzz. Both internal and external. More they tried, more ignorant I became. Oh, glorious ignorance.

I learned that a mentor is very much human. He can make mistakes an apprentice would not make and he can still stay my mentor.

I learned that pretty anyone can be a mentor, as the experienced barista at my favorite coffee shop smiles at his new colleague’s clumsiness.

I learned that even after 10 years people in civil service go back to what I’ve written for them back then and find it helpful (although this makes me worried about their progress :).

I learned that appreciation comes at most unexpected times and colleagues’ prize for “best coach and support of others” in the organisation are best given in absentia. To my highest delight though.

I learned that a graffiti Christmas tree on a flipchart is best decorated by post-it notes each member of the team writes their wishes on.

I am more environment conscious now. I learned the joy of one item for breakfast.

I learned to enjoy four times less cloths orders this year compared to last year.

I learned that people whom I admire share my admiration to tears of joy.

I learned that my partner is a better lover year after year.

I learned that my child and I can have the same dream and share it in the morning.

I learned that blessing others brings peace to all.

I learned to say goodbye just to say hello to something else the minute after.

I learned the value of a place where my coffee cup waits for me. Always.

I relearned the joy of organizing parties: Butterflies Fairy party in Winter, Strawberry party in Spring, Ratatouille cooking party in Late Summer, Bowling and Art party in Fall….

I learned that a stranger can grow into calling me “mom”.

I learned that a stranger can grow into calling me a “gift”.

I learned to allow myself to feel and let go.

I learned the power of No. With a big smile.

I learned the power of stillness.

I learned the power of vulnerability.

I rejoiced in the thought of what the power of No, the power of stillness and the power of vulnerability can do.

I started to be around only people who love and support me. Reciprocity creates magic.

I learned that confidence comes from fearlessness. Fearlessness comes from faith. Faith comes from freedom.

I hope I was a good life student. I am ready for more. I want to know more. I want to learn to play chess. I want to learn to dance like a pro. I want to learn to swim. I want to do more to help others. I want to explore my 21 year old sexuality. I want to discover the world with my children. I want to prosper in building lasting memories for my loved ones. I want to embrace minimalism; a day a week without consumption is my first small step. I want to learn to heal through compassion. I am open to everything Life brings. Only the best comes my way. These are not New Year’s resolutions. Or maybe they are 🙂

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Little guys, big guys

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I am doing a master degree in development management. In parallel to a master degree on parenting. My child will be awarding the degree. Stakes are high. Principles and values are simple.

Read lots of books on parenting. The list of my favorite books includes:

Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five, by John Medina,

Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start by Goodwyn Ph.d., Susan, Linda Phd Acredolo.

What All Children Want Their Parents To Know by Loomans, Diana, Godoy, Julia.

All these readings made me plunge into my childhood. Lots of my current beliefs and behaviours got suddenly a crystal clear explanation. But this post is not about that.

So back to my master’s in parenting. In parallel to others wisdom and experience I also rely powerfully on my intuition. From early pregnancy days, my core ABC values are:

A. YOUR baby is your guide. Not your relatives, neighbours and all kinds of ‘good-wishers’, whose “advise” is to be listened to or dismissed with, sometimes, huge sense of humour.

B. Treat your child as you would like to be treated yourself. It’s the Golden Rule of reciprocity and basic respect.

C. Treasure yourself. Parents’ supreme responsibility is to be there for their children in good physical and mental health.

How I explained my B value to my partner, who had issues in adjusting to his parenting role as in a “fast grab it & do it” parenting style? Imagine you are being approached by a guy 3 to 5 times your height and 7 to 20 times your weight who is verbalising in an alien-like-adult-prejudiced- sound track and is suddenly grabbing you and holding up above his head and finds it funny and expects the same from you?!… not quite funny isn’t it, if looked at from the other end :). And all forms of patronizing are, to me,  an antonym to parenting.

OR for day-care dropping: imagine you are visiting a friend in another country who cannot see you tonight and instead drops you at a party in the neighbourhood in a room of 100 strangers talking different languages, waves you goodbye and says “you’ll be fine”. Not quite funny, is it? :). It’s a “walk in their shoes” approach.

What’s central is respect, as reciprocity is an immediate manifestation in a parent-child relation.

I am loud, my baby is ear-splitting.

I am respectful with others, my baby is politeness-incorporated!

I am sad, my baby is tearful!!

I am vocal, my baby is choral!!!

I am reserved, my baby is demur!!!!

I am a fighter, my baby is Che-Guevara-ish!!!!!

I am happy, my baby is happier!!!!!!

I love and my baby loves life, animals, small bugs, flowers, the wind and the city she calls Paris… .

And reciprocity is what makes parenting a really beautiful endeavour.

Enjoying to respect kids and enjoying being a parent is a choice. Easy one. When done with love.