In a doctor’s waiting room, a very talkative grandmother tries to get her granddaughter’s attention. The 15 year old tries to read. The dialogue goes like this:
– You can read your book at home.
– I can read and listen to you at the sane time, grandmother. I finally learned how to do it.
– You can keep your book. In my younger days, I was reading books all night long. I was 18.
– I am 15, grandmother.
– You can still read your book at home. What’s in you backpack?
– School things.
– Look at this! The grandmother seems surprised by the way the girl’s colorful backpack is made.
She then goes on about the lost value of Christmas, her neighbor crazy driving, religious tolerance … .
The appointment was for the young lady. I thought “How sweet! The grandmother accompanied her grandchild!” I almost wished she would never stop talking. I wished she would turn to me to get me to listen while waiting for her granddaughter to come out of the doctor’s office.
Then I got it. It’s their special thing: a 85 year old grandmother – 15 year old granddaughter dialogue, tune, reverberation.
Here is to all sweet grandmothers-granddaughters joy of sharing!
Today is the International Day to Stop the Violence against Women. Campaigns and signs of solidarity are all over the internet.
I think about my family’s history. And the history of so many families touched by violence.
– He gave me a slap on my face, only once, was one of my grandmother’s recollection if her 35 years of marriage, shortened by the war and grandfather’s early departure.
By her world standards, this was a violence-free marriage. In a rural soviet medium, violence was omni-present yet unspoken. It was seen on women faces and bodies, yet left unnoticed. By the church, by the community… .
My grandmother knew nothing about human rights or Conventions. Yet, she gave me the strength to never accept any act of violence be it mental or physical. She gave it to me by the belief that she is always by my side.
As a child I witnessed violence in the soviet illusion of violence free communities. You got quickly to see that the ideal family projected on the soviet propaganda TV was in stark contrast with the reality. What women who suffered quietly needed was to know that there is someone by their side. They still need it today.
On days of campaigns like this, I ask myself: what can I do? Can I be someone by their side? Can we be someone by their side? So that they find the strength they need to live the life they deserve as human beings.
for a wonderful and sweet time with friends and family,
staying true to kids-friendliness and all the fun which goes together,
creating royal experiences at Kinder Museum in Schönbrunn with lots of fun for both kids and adults,
your tour train to keep us dry on a rainy morning in the Schönbrunn Park,
gorgeous Gloriette, where Maria Theresa – the only female ruler of Habsburgs, used to have breakfast,
the Sunny afternoon for the Zoo visit and all the delights of meeting cute koala, panda, a baby elephant, baby zebra, my fave pink flamingos and the rest of the rich animal world in the oldest zoo in the world,
a brief hide and seek moment under generous tree branches,
the treasures of the Natural History museum: the 29500 old statue of Venus, huge dinosaur skeletons, largest turtle in the world and many other interactive and child friendly features. And for getting a dinosaur roaring to my face. Scared of nothing now 🙂
the gorgeous Belvedere and coffee&cake with friends to celebrate Sofia and friendship
and a small pink print for Vienna – street art by Sofia:
– How old is she? i was often asked about my kid while strolling and playing in the park.
– Why? i would ask. The faces of inquires would get usually very puzzled.
– Hmm, to compare her with my daughter/niece/cousin’s kid…, would be usually mumbled in response.
– Do they need your comparison? would be my usual good-buy.
At school, my best friend’s mom would use two rulers to follow the marks on her daughter and my rows in the teachers notebook. I can only imagine the talks they had at home. As a result, our friendship suffered. My now ex friend has a PhD and i hope she did it for her professional fulfillment.
Comparison leads to wanting more, consuming more, spending time and effort on others ideals. We rarely spend time and effort on comparing where we are now to where we started from and analysing how much we achieved.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” said Theodore Roosevelt. I realise we cannot escape comparison fully though. Social media and glamorizing TV do not help with endless status updates, instagrams, tweets and alike. We see the surface and our brains make conclusions. It often does so from perceived weaknesses on our end.
I was raised in soviet union and even that “egalitarian” regime had a built-in competition. “Better”, “faster”, “more” were teachers and trainers favourites. In my grandmother’s village there was a competition for fastest growing trees. How can you make trees grow faster? They grow depending on their roots and need for light. They do not grow to compete with the neighboring forest.
I missed many joyful moments in life because of comparison, imposed or self-imposed. I also learned that Comparison can still be a friend when applied with care and in line with own intrinsic philosophy, values and aspirations.
I care now to make sure my kid learns to apply comparison when it benefits her growth. And it also helps me grow. The same way a tree does 🙂
This piece is sharp as a scalpel. The type of writing to which i secretly aspire to.
Thank you, Jordan Reid, for the inspiration.
“Being a parent is different from being a friend, and it’s different from being a boss. You want to be both, but the truth is that you’re neither — you’re something in between, and something much more.”
– You know what I did today, sweetheart? I had a strategic planning workshop.
She is intrigued :). so I continue “It’s a bit like your lego. You need to know what you are building (your objective), how many and what kind of bricks you need (resources), your dinner time a.k.a. process interrupted (constraints), who can help you when you cannot find a brick (partners), the instruction (action plan)… ”
– and at math today …. (she takes over without me asking).
I kind of believe it works for adults too 🙂 :
– You know what I did today, honey?….
***Re-post “Want your kids to tell you about their day? Instead of asking questions, try this.” by By Sara Ackerman, September 27, 2016 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/09/27/want-your-kids-to-tell-you-about-their-day-instead-of-asking-questions-try-this/?utm_term=.67bdac3b9c2e