Tag Archives: John Medina

The gift of unwanted children


She knew she was not a desired child from her first breath. She knew it when a sea wave claimed her life. She knew it when a racing car touched the tip of her hair and her six years of life glimpsed in a second before her eyes.

Reading some stories on http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Was-An-Unwanted-Child/684952 made me realise that parents deprive their children of their inner confidence because they themselves lack it. They do not cherish their lives enough to be able to share love and behave accordingly with their progenies. It’s not about the child. It’s about the parent. The parent is the one in need of help. If he/she wants it. 

‚You get what you give’ is a basic rule of life. What can an unwanted child give back to his/her parents? Many will lower and respond with the same rejection, anger and egoism.

Many will rise above and bless them. As I did. It was a long way but it was immensely worth it, as it brought me peace and love. I gained back my power. It came from the understanding that while it’s true that back then I had no choices, I do have a choice now.

Unwanted children are a gift to themselves, this is my pronouncement. They are survivers. Thanks to John Medina (Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five) and Louise Hay I understood that my brain worked harder to claim my right to live and to prosper and to love, namely because it felt threatened.

It takes time and effort to reinstate your inner child where it belongs – in a loving heart.

It can be your own heart or the heart of your loved and desired child. Your child and your inner child will be a great company to each other – I know it firsthand :).

Little guys, big guys


I am doing a master degree in development management. In parallel to a master degree on parenting. My child will be awarding the degree. Stakes are high. Principles and values are simple.

Read lots of books on parenting. The list of my favorite books includes:

Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five, by John Medina,

Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start by Goodwyn Ph.d., Susan, Linda Phd Acredolo.

What All Children Want Their Parents To Know by Loomans, Diana, Godoy, Julia.

All these readings made me plunge into my childhood. Lots of my current beliefs and behaviours got suddenly a crystal clear explanation. But this post is not about that.

So back to my master’s in parenting. In parallel to others wisdom and experience I also rely powerfully on my intuition. From early pregnancy days, my core ABC values are:

A. YOUR baby is your guide. Not your relatives, neighbours and all kinds of ‘good-wishers’, whose “advise” is to be listened to or dismissed with, sometimes, huge sense of humour.

B. Treat your child as you would like to be treated yourself. It’s the Golden Rule of reciprocity and basic respect.

C. Treasure yourself. Parents’ supreme responsibility is to be there for their children in good physical and mental health.

How I explained my B value to my partner, who had issues in adjusting to his parenting role as in a “fast grab it & do it” parenting style? Imagine you are being approached by a guy 3 to 5 times your height and 7 to 20 times your weight who is verbalising in an alien-like-adult-prejudiced- sound track and is suddenly grabbing you and holding up above his head and finds it funny and expects the same from you?!… not quite funny isn’t it, if looked at from the other end :). And all forms of patronizing are, to me,  an antonym to parenting.

OR for day-care dropping: imagine you are visiting a friend in another country who cannot see you tonight and instead drops you at a party in the neighbourhood in a room of 100 strangers talking different languages, waves you goodbye and says “you’ll be fine”. Not quite funny, is it? :). It’s a “walk in their shoes” approach.

What’s central is respect, as reciprocity is an immediate manifestation in a parent-child relation.

I am loud, my baby is ear-splitting.

I am respectful with others, my baby is politeness-incorporated!

I am sad, my baby is tearful!!

I am vocal, my baby is choral!!!

I am reserved, my baby is demur!!!!

I am a fighter, my baby is Che-Guevara-ish!!!!!

I am happy, my baby is happier!!!!!!

I love and my baby loves life, animals, small bugs, flowers, the wind and the city she calls Paris… .

And reciprocity is what makes parenting a really beautiful endeavour.

Enjoying to respect kids and enjoying being a parent is a choice. Easy one. When done with love.

Baby brains, science and love


There is a buzz now around youngest Olympians going to London. And rightly so, I would say. 15 to 18 year old great persons with a jolly inner and outer kid reflected in their eyes are rejuvenating the whole atmosphere. Behind each of them there is a story of hard work from avery young age. One of my favourite books on child development is ‘Kindergarten Is Too Late!’ (1971) by Masaru Ibuka, Sony’s founder. Read the Russian translation and sorry for not being able to read it in the original language. The main message of the book is that by age of 3 a child’s brain is developing the fastest in a human life. Skills and knowledge transferred and gained at this age are fundamental and life-lasting. Some say ‘kids are like sponges’ at this age – absorb it all. I also recommend the book by John Medina “Brain rules” – excellent insight into children rational development.

There was another happy encounter in my life. It was a late October evening. In a park. Downtown. I sat on a bench with my 9 month old baby with a new book we just bought. It was an encyclopedia for kids. A lovely senior lady was sitting on the same bench. We started talking. She told me that the development of my baby is totally up to us, her parents. She shared insights into how she nurtured her child: daily readings, constant dialogues, multi-language training. She told me a story of a German couple who decided to give encyclopedic knowledge to their son, so started initiating him in all sciences. By age of 3 he has spoke no word at all. And his parent stared worrying. When he turned 3, all the knowledge they insulated, was pouring out of the little guy. By age of 4 he enrolled in school, by age of 12 he graduated it and got admitted to University. Made up or not this story made me curious about the idea of “genius not born, genius made”. Plenty of books on the subject… This is how I got to meet also Mr. Ibuka through his book.
There also a strong ingredient in the “genius not born, genius made” story: Love.

My favorite quote from John Medina’s book: “a man once asked me “how can I get my son into Harvard?’ “Go home and love your wife!”, was my answer”.

Surrounded by love, children will thrive and beautify the world around them and multiply the love with unseen and unbelievable knowledge and abilities.

For the sake of love and beauty.