Eva picked up the phone and said “yes”. It was the first time in three years she answered her mother’s call. She needed three years to heal her inner child of past abuses. Her mother called once a year, usually before her birthday, usually with new demands on top of usual demands. Eva was calm. Her heart rates – stable. Her mother was hysterical. “Come to me” she pleaded in a command-control emotional tone. “Do you think this will make me want to come?”, answered her daughter. “I do not know what else to do”, said her mother. “Maybe if you see that this is not working, you should stop pursuing it?”, Eva responded. Whining followed. “You can call me back when you calm down”, said Eva calmly and respectfully. Her mother called back in 30 minutes to say that she was fired and lost the case in court and wants her lawyer daughter to look into the case and remedy it. Eva said she will find a lawyer to help her, the same way she did it for any of her friends in legal trouble. And she did find a good lawyer. To Eva this conversation was an echo from a past life. A life she left behind through a rebirth. She healed her bleeding childhood through homeopathy, counseling, yoga, meditation, books and research, ups and downs until she reached the bliss of forgiveness and inner peace. Psychologists use the term “post-traumatic growth” to describe people who are changed for the better by a traumatic event, and it is both an outcome and a process, as explained by Richard Tedeschi, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte for Huffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/16/parental-estrangement_n_4317550.html . We go through life creating new families, learning from them and moving on ( “The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness” by James Altucher and Claudia Azula Altucher). Eva is christian and the story of Jesus attending a wedding resonates with her: Jesus’ s mother and brother waited outside to see him. He let them wait and made it clear to the apostles that “you are my family now”. Eva congratulated herself for such a mature reaction. Her role of a mindful parent now was more important than succumbing to traps of a life, which is in the past. A past put to rest. For good. Everyone’s good. “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.” Regina Brett
I rediscovered my inner child. Who needed some serous healing. I was not even aware of the pain I was caring. Looking at my childhood through my baby’s eyes was a breakthrough experience, one of the kind. My baby met my inner child and they became dear friends. So, all is well.
I learned about detached attachment. “Oops my knee hurts”, I would say. My baby will say in response ‘yes it hurts, but in a moment’. “If you really have to go to work, then go’ and she will wave good bye holding back her tears.
I relearned to change perspectives and move on without vexating for ages on an issue. I was upset and angered with the quality of refurbishing works, my baby was running happily around with no care or concern for uneven corners, small glue spots on wall paper, painted ceiling… All my baby needs is space, with no concern for who has not performed up to the contract.
I relearned the freedom of un-biased communication. My medical records stated that was a very social child. Something happening to that child in the mean time: family, kinder garden, school…. . Now both of us talk to everything and everybody. At the zoo, there was a monkey staring at us so I started talking to him and expressing my appreciation for all its abilities: the way it climbed, jumped, sharing his banana with me… well the result was a bit beyond pure joy of human to primates communication ….it exhibited to us all of its manhood :). Luckily my baby has not captured it or I would have had otherwise to respond to her demanding ‘whys’ and this is not a topic I’ve done my research on yet :).
The list is not be complete without expressions of creativity on the living room wall :), splashing, bubble making, laughing for no particular reason, dancing in the rain, staring with fascination at a bug in action, singing “I’am a happy, happy rabbit’ all day long…. .
I realized my ability to learn and relearn depends totally on me. On my openness and candor. All I had to do is to open my heart and let go.
They say a parent gets a second birthday on his/her child birth day. It’s only up to us to make most of it, with love…. and scented bubbles!