Children give what they receive.
– You know what I did today, sweetheart? I had a strategic planning workshop.
She is intrigued :). so I continue “It’s a bit like your lego. You need to know what you are building (your objective), how many and what kind of bricks you need (resources), your dinner time a.k.a. process interrupted (constraints), who can help you when you cannot find a brick (partners), the instruction (action plan)… ”
– and at math today …. (she takes over without me asking).
I kind of believe it works for adults too 🙂 :
– You know what I did today, honey?….
***Re-post “Want your kids to tell you about their day? Instead of asking questions, try this.” by By Sara Ackerman, September 27, 2016 https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/09/27/want-your-kids-to-tell-you-about-their-day-instead-of-asking-questions-try-this/?utm_term=.67bdac3b9c2e
The key is always – treat children as you’d like to be treated. “Stop this or that” creates walls, between children and parents, between children and their peers. It takes then years to demolish the walls. We can, instead, create gardens of feelings, of different colours and flavours and shades and learn how to cultivate understanding and resilience.
A situation observed at a primary school in the land of ” fraternite, egalite, liberte”:
A teacher’s assistant, addressing the teacher with all kids present, said:
– There could be an epidemics in the school. X, Y and Z could be carrying it. And tenderly touched the rosy chick of a child next to her.
Back in the class, the teacher decides to give 5 and 6 year olds the full clinical picture of a suspected childhood desease and its lethal effects. It is easy to guess what this inadequate and un-adapted information does to a child’s vivid imagination. On the way from school, the child refuses to give the hand to her parent: “you might die”, he hears.
It is also easy to guess, the reaction of the child’s parents on this. Confronted, the school assistant denied she made public children suspected diseases. She asked the director for support. The director said “she did not say in public, X, Y and Z have AIDS quand meme!” You should have seen my face, in case you were wondering who the parent was.
Dear teachers, principles and other well-intended adults, the right to privacy is as much a child’s right, as it is yours. You do not want your co-workers, superiors and alike to talk in public about your disease, even if it is not AIDS. If it happens to you, you’ll seek remedies and, as a minimum, an apology.
Children are fully fledged holders of rights. They also have a right to a lawyer and the right to compensation. This is not a threat. Only a firm reminder.
The situation at the school was remedied. The director understood from both my words and body language what was wrong. And the anxiety it created. She offered to talk to the assistant and the teacher. And she did. And to talk in private to the child to reassure her she is in perfect health.
“I was called to the principle’s office, mom. And it was cool”.
And cool it will remain.
Empowerment in action. No more words needed.
Originals on The Scene Videos – The Scene
message from my kid’s wisdom:
My end-of-year message to my kid’s teacher read:
thank you for the wonderful school experience we had with you this year. Is there anything else we, as parents, can do to help her on the trip in the knowledge world?”
Her response is priceless:
continue to do what you do: take care of her and continue to travel as you do.”
What we learn on trips from people we meet, places we see, flavours we feel, landscapes we look at, customs we get privy to, food we share, adventures we embrace offer unique opportunities to
strengthen family bonds through time together,
shape our/adults’ understanding of the world through child’s eyes (the opposite is also valid),
acquire new skills (trying that water-ski this year?),
get to know the shades of the diversity and, in consequence, improve tolerance,
practice a new language by playing on the beach with other kids,
unconstricted splish-splash (watch out for the severe looking lady tough),
build our stay-in-the-moment ability to knit common memories and create treasures to last.
About two weeks ago, at a cross-road, i met a friend who proudly showed me the pic of her beautiful and smart daughter. They went to Florence on a trip together. Her eyes were sparkling while she was telling me about the nice time they spent there and the discoveries they made together. Looking at “The Birth of Venus” by Botticelli for instance…
First time travel anxieties are part of the process. It is normal to ask yourselves lots of How questions. Plan well and trust yourselves and your kids. Travellers in less comfy and infrastructure-deprived times managed it well. So there is no reason, you cannot. The joy and sparkle generated by joint experiences will erase by magic all preparations anxieties for treasures to last.
Travel well. Travel safe.
– Thank you, mom, for the things you bought me today!
– with pleasure, sweetheart. I would like us to be grateful also for today’s experiences we lived together.
– Thank you, for giving birth to me.
– You brought yourself forth, sweetheart.
By my experience, it is the child who decides when and how she will (be) born. I also believe we choose our parents for an experience or lesson we need. Parents are only a door into the physical universe. Nothing more. Nothing less. The word “Par-ent” sounds to me as meaning entering the world par/throug… .
As a baby, whenever a new sound, smell, thing, person would enter her life she would seek my eyes and look into them to see if it’s safe. To see whether the door shall be opened or closed. The expression on my face would give her clues to understand.
I thank my child for choosing me to be her mom and ask her to help me to be a mother she needs. My motherhood needs are irrelevant. This is her life. Her experience. I hope and try just not to spoil it too much.
Happy par-enting to all!