Monthly Archives: July 2013

…wish they were more communicative


I came across an article on Huffingtonpost with a sound perspective on father-daughter relations: „3 Things Little Girls Need from Their Fathers „ by Joyce McFadden on There are many worth mentioning quotes. Key to me is this „In my research, one of the most common things daughters said about their fathers was they wish they were more communicative.”152413345

Few days latter I witnessed the following at an open-air concert: he was getting his percussion instruments ready for a concert. His cymbals, bass drum and bongos absorbed him totally. His daughter with her boyfriend approached the stage and called him „Father!”. He has not heard her. She gave up after 30 seconds „He does not care!” she threw up her right hand in disparage and turned away instantly.

A father who missed a contact with his blood and remained unaware of the chance he had.

A daughter who missed her father but was too shy or too stubborn to get closer and make herself noticed.

A gap emerged or got bigger. Absorbing without mercy a father-daughter relationship.

Communication is key, experts say. True. Yet, easier said than done… . And acknowledging that helps, at least me, in my parent-child relation and beyond that.

I did not have a communicative father. He did communicate his needs clearly and loudly though. The basic understanding that communication is also about listening seemed nonexistent in his concepts. And that probably worked well for him, with the experience and knowledge he had. This kind of “communication” in turn made me more demanding. I learned early that if you do not ask for it, you’ll not get it. Ask and will be given is my motto in relations with men in my life and beyond that. I also learned to have no expectations and be taken by surprise when it yields the best for me. I learned to value this experience even more as it gave me a clear example of how not to. … I can only hope that he also learned his lesson and he is happy about it.