Win/win! Oh really?


What do you think about win/win? Especially when it is a sort of ‚prisoner’s dilemma’…

Oficially it sounds terific. Great window dressing for any kind of intentions, at any level.

I had a job I thought it was perfect for me. Until a personality manifested a stubborn trait of mine. Left it for another job. Former employer begged me to come back. My new job was manifesting even more unhappy traits of mine. I went back. Did I win? Did my former employer win? Did my new employer win? My answer is none have won.

I often read about negotiations – it’s an interest of mine, both personally and professionally. Some advocate that one of best basic approaches to negotiations is to separate people from problem. This is meant to say that in any negotiations two elements are involved: the substance over which negotiations take place and negotiator’s relationship with people involved.

I must add that the relationship to the self is perhaps the most important part of the equation. It’s not about winning. It’s about loosing. Loosing the connection to what makes us unhappy. It gets down to „would I rather be happy or would I rather be right”? You dislike loosing? Try letting go.

When people tell me „you were right, about this /that”, I respond with „I am sorry I was right”.

I choose ‚happy’, even if my ego – and it’s a huge beast – votes in favor of ‚right’. I’ll let it believe it won and get over it. And let it envy me, because I am happy. Happy not to be right.

7 responses »

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